Bedtime insecurities

There are a few things about Krishna that just hold me in complete fascination that I just start gushing about my fascinations and discoveries about Krishna's personality and pastimes to everyone! If you've met me and known me for a decent period of time, then you've probably heard this from me already.

When Madhavi first told me this on the altar, I just exclaimed ! "How adorable!" So what every Radha Krishna pujari would know and most other devotees would not know is that, the Lord of the Universe, the controller of everything moving and non-moving, THE Supreme personality of Godhead......sleeps with his flute under his pillow! :)

i.e The pujari who puts the deities to sleep at night usually takes Krishna's flute and keeps it under his pillow physically. I've heard a couple of reasons for this but the official ones from Jananivas prabhu are:

1) The flute is sooo dear to Kanha that he does not want to be separated from it since it is with the flute that he controls the gopis

2) The gopis know that with this flute Kanha controls them so they are always looking to steal his flute. He keeps it under his pillow for protection

Endearing!

nadyas tadā tad upadhārya mukunda-gītam āvarta-lakṣita-manobhava-bhagna-vegāḥ ālińgana-sthagitam ūrmi-bhujair murārer gṛhṇanti pāda-yugalaḿ kamalopahārāḥ

"When the rivers hear the flute-song of Krishna, their minds begin to desire Him, and thus the flow of their currents is broken and their waters are agitated, moving around in whirlpools. Then with the arms of their waves the rivers embrace Murari's lotus feet and, holding on to them, present offerings of lotus flowers."
- Srimad Bhagavatam 10.21.15

Disappointment

Perfection is what I sought
Perfection is what I thought I found

Perfection does not enter this world
Perfection yet is sought for in souls

Perfection's quest welcomes disappointment
Perfection only lies with you - Gopinath!

Smile please?

"When a devotee with all his heart and soul serves Krsna, dresses him in nice garments and gives him a flower, Krsna smiles. If you can get Krishna to smile upon you just once, your life's goal is fulfilled." - Srila Prabhupad, Lecture SB 3.25.12, 12th November, 1974

Vishaka mataji's girirajji

As my eyes took in the slow dawn of day
my fingers felt the soft wood
bead by bead - transcendental wood of tulsidevi
My mind the wonderful traveller
a thousand places did it visit

A thread of desire was visited and explored
Memories entangled with that thread
of gopi dots, peacock feathers, ghee lamps
of chandan, mukut pieces, chadars
caused that familiar longing
longing to serve your beautiful deity form...

How can I ever anticipate that sweet mercy of yours?
"Anuradha? Can you come paint and dress up my girirajji?"
Amazement and wonder continues to be my friend
as your mercy continues to flow...

Smile please?

Thunder !

The sweetest sounds to mortals given Are heard in Mother, Home, and Heaven. ~William Goldsmith Brown

Definitely in heaven!

Of all the descriptions given in the scriptures about Krishna, the one I have most trouble visualizing or conceptualizing in my mind are the sounds of the spiritual world. The one thing I yearn most to hear... Krishna's flute, the cakora birds, the koyal, the peacocks, and of course the 'deep resounding thunderlike' voice of Krishna.

"Krishna's deep voice resounds like a rumbling cloud and his tinkling ornaments allure the ears...." - Chapter 6, Gayatri Mahima Madhuri

This quote about his voice was a little hard to find. I used to wonder and wonder if there are any descriptions about Krishna's voice and then I chanced upon this when I was reading the Gayatri book. But there are countless about his ever enchanting, mesmerizing flute playing :)

"..Krishna's flute vibrates eight different tunes. Demigods like Lord Brahma and Lord Siva break their meditation and forget everything when the first tune pierces their ears. Lord Siva stops playing his din-din drum. Lord Brahma sits astonished on his lotus flower, and Lord Ananta Sesa begins swaying hypnotically.
The second tune makes the Yamuna flow backwards.
The moon stops moving upon hearing the third tune.
Cows run up to Krishna, and stand motionless with upraised ears to drink the nectar of the fourth tune.
The fifth note brings the gopis madly running-eager for Krishna's love.
The sixth tune creates autumn, replete with juicy fruits and rich foliage
Stones melt when caressed by this note
The seventh note instantly ushes in all six seasons manifesting their full splendor with gentle, sensous southern breezes carrying the perfumed aromas of fresh forest flowers.

The eighth note of Syama's seductive flute takes the name of Radha...."

Well I don't know whether it is going to take me lifetimes or just this lifetime to hear what I yearn to hear but one thing is for sure.... all my yearnings for sounds of the spiritual world is COMPLETELY satisfied by .....

Ching Ching Chinggg....
Ching Ching Chinggg....

Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare...
Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare...

Yess.....those soul stirring kirtans that just teases those senses of ours with visions of the spiritual world and incomparable bliss...

Atma Nivedana

A devotee once told me,
" We offer so many services to Krishna......we offer him garlands, we make prasad and offer it, we offer our kirtans, our bhajans yet in the process of offering him all these services, we forget to offer him ourselves! "
Krishna accepts anything offered with love but all he is really looking for is YOU. And that is the hardest thing to offer. The false ego of me, mine never lets us actually do this. Every activity we do, each and every step and action we take in our lives, from bathing, eating, studying.....everything is geared towards one goal......satisfy the self.

We can classify every action as geared towards
1) Sense pleasure
2) Intelligence & Mind pleasure
3) False ego pleasure

Think about it....every small thing we do can be classified under these things. Even devotional service. When I make garlands, it satisfies my senses to see the beautiful flowers, satisfies my intelligence to arrange it in a pattern, and finally satisfies my ego when somebody says, 'oh what a beautiful garland you've made!'. Even though, I'm making it for Krishna, this tinge of ego pleasure never goes away. I would say that ego pleasure is the hardest to overcome. Whatever service we do, the sense of the self doing it hardly goes away....
(I am of course talking about common neophyte devotees like me and not elevated souls where can see actual 'selfless service')

Now you can argue that if even devotional service is performed to satisfy the material senses and ego then why do it? Well.....the only answer I have for this is to ask you to actually spend a day doing service. Yes, my ego is being satisfied, my intelligence is being satisfied when I listen to a good lecture or read sound philosophy, my senses are being satisfied when I listen to beautiful, heartmoving kirtans and bhajans.......yet, at the end of the day, when I go home....when I get a moment to ponder on my pleasure and enjoyment, I realize, this pleasure is something much much deeper.......it is the pleasure of the satisfaction of the soul....:)

Jaggu Dada...

So, since I've been caught up dealing with a million different emotions and new situations and new life etc., I just realized today how I miss writing. Yet, I'm still caught up with other things to write anything decent....but I still want to post something so here is something short I had written during my initial days when I first got my brahmana initiation and went on the altar...

Dear Jagannath...
The throbbing feet I can ignore,
sacrifice my precious world of snore,
the burns, the cuts, the bruises
all I can dismiss away as excuses
to see your beautiful smile on the altar...my merciful Jagannath

P.S: The burns were from cooking, the cuts from making garlands (I always found a way to bruise my skin with the needle and cut my self with scissors and the bruises from banging myself on random things like doors, tables and chairs as I ran from the altar to the pujari to finish dressing by darshan. I attribute all this to the burning away my karma of deity worship offenses on the altar :)

Of Resolve and branches

Resolve a fickle entity you are
choose you I do duped by your exterior strength
of brick and stone you appear to be made
Rashly do I place you in my heart and mind

Little did my intelligence know
of the enmity between you and my heart
Senses chip away at those bricks
siding with my heart

O mind! I plead my case to you
heed my words that paint the future
our best interests is to reinforce these bricks
for all I want to do is to serve my guru...

Become my friend O mind
let us dwell not on these temporary branches
but on eternal topics that would
soothe the heart and senses.....Krishna.