Sunday, May 10, 2009

Atma Nivedana

A devotee once told me,
" We offer so many services to Krishna......we offer him garlands, we make prasad and offer it, we offer our kirtans, our bhajans yet in the process of offering him all these services, we forget to offer him ourselves! "
Krishna accepts anything offered with love but all he is really looking for is YOU. And that is the hardest thing to offer. The false ego of me, mine never lets us actually do this. Every activity we do, each and every step and action we take in our lives, from bathing, eating, studying.....everything is geared towards one goal......satisfy the self.

We can classify every action as geared towards
1) Sense pleasure
2) Intelligence & Mind pleasure
3) False ego pleasure

Think about it....every small thing we do can be classified under these things. Even devotional service. When I make garlands, it satisfies my senses to see the beautiful flowers, satisfies my intelligence to arrange it in a pattern, and finally satisfies my ego when somebody says, 'oh what a beautiful garland you've made!'. Even though, I'm making it for Krishna, this tinge of ego pleasure never goes away. I would say that ego pleasure is the hardest to overcome. Whatever service we do, the sense of the self doing it hardly goes away....
(I am of course talking about common neophyte devotees like me and not elevated souls where can see actual 'selfless service')

Now you can argue that if even devotional service is performed to satisfy the material senses and ego then why do it? Well.....the only answer I have for this is to ask you to actually spend a day doing service. Yes, my ego is being satisfied, my intelligence is being satisfied when I listen to a good lecture or read sound philosophy, my senses are being satisfied when I listen to beautiful, heartmoving kirtans and bhajans.......yet, at the end of the day, when I go home....when I get a moment to ponder on my pleasure and enjoyment, I realize, this pleasure is something much much deeper.......it is the pleasure of the satisfaction of the soul....:)

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